There's No Such Thing As Ready

What a wonderful, insane, exhausting two weeks. Or has it been three weeks? I don't even know anymore. It feels like it's been a month since I saw you all. I've hardly had time to breath, let alone draft a blog post, but I've had some thoughts that I'd like to share with you. Let's hope this is coherent.

So the Missionary Training Center (MTC) was crazy. The first day felt like a hallucination, and I think some of it might have been, considering how horribly sleep deprived I was. We landed in the airport, slipped through customs undetected and were promptly whisked off to the MTC on the wrong side of the road, where we met the 41 people we would be spending the next two weeks with. Our districts, or classes were assigned, and we were paired up into companionships.

When I considered the idea of a companion before my mission, I kind of thought of it as insta-friendship assigned by God. I did not think about the fact that I would be spending literally every waking minute with this person. Thankfully, I was blessed with an amazing companion, Sister Vousden, and it was clear right away that we would be fast friends. But friends isn't all that is required of a companionship. You are expected to live together, plan together and teach together. In fact, we are asked to try to teach as one. That requires compromise. Sister Vousden and I are both very strong-willed people, so it took us a while to understand that there was a way to do things other than our own. It was hard. It was so hard. nothing in what I had been told or taught prepared me for the reality of trying to work in a companionship. I think I understood what I would have to give to make it work, but I didn't want to give it. Eventually, we both caved. We opened our hearts to each other and we dared to really trust each other. After that, the difference was like night and day. Whereas before, we struggled to teach simple concepts, we found ourselves able to teach whole lessons comfortably. We relied on each other and built each other up. We literally finished each others sentences. We became more than friends. We were the same person. It was an amazing transformation.

One of the things Sister Vousden and I had to get used to was the studying. Oh, the studying. All day, every day, for hours on end. There was so much to study. So so so much to learn, and only two weeks to learn it! I'll admit, I was a little uptight about the whole thing. I am so determined to be the best missionary that I can possibly be, and I knew that the way to do that is through study. I took it a little too seriously though. I snapped at my district a couple of times for being too distracted. (£50 says Mom is shaking her head in disbelief. Me too, Mom, me too.) It was hard for me! I wanted to talk to them--they're all amazing people and I love them--but we only had two weeks! I put so much pressure on myself. I wanted to be ready for the field. I wanted to know everything that I needed to know. In fact, I put so much pressure on myself that, at one point, I cracked. I just broke down. I couldn't live up to the standard I was setting for myself. The amazing Elders in my district gave me a blessing of comfort, and I realized that, while it's good to have standards, we have to make sure that they are the Lord's standards first and foremost. We do all things on the Lord's time, and that includes learning. As I got comfortable with that idea, I found myself having more fun, and learning more at the same time. Heavenly Father not only teaches us through the scriptures and prophets, he teaches us through the people he gives us. The people that surround us are there to bless us and instruct us in our lives. I learned so much from my district. I know that we were all meant to be together. I would have missed out on so much if I hadn't lightened up and trusted in the Lord's timing.

Of course, the most dramatic thing that's happened to me so far is leaving for the England Birmingham Mission, the EBM or Earth's Best Mission, as I've heard it called here. It's been a whirlwind, but I'm here. My companion is Sister Pickett, and she is the best. She is so fantastic. She is excited about everything. Like, I'm excited too, but I can never match her enthusiasm. We're doing what's called 'pink washing' which is when sister missionaries go into an area that just had elders before. So we're both new to the area. We don't really know any members, we don't have any investigators, but we get up in the morning and go to work. This is hard. This is so hard. We've talked to so many people, and nothing has turned up. The reality of this is much more.... difficult than I expected.

As hard as I worked in the MTC, as hard as I tried to prepare myself before I came to England, I don't feel ready. There is no way that the MTC could have taught me everything that I needed to know. They taught me everything that they could. But it is literally impossible to know what it's like out on the streets until you're there. For two weeks, you wake up in the morning thinking, "Someday soon, I'll be a missionary." And then you wake up and you are one. And there's work to do. And you don't know if you're ready.

Here's what I've learned: There is no such thing as ready. We can never know everything we feel we need to know, we will never understand all of the things we feel we need to understand to be ready. There will always be something we haven't considered. There will always be something that goes a direction we haven't anticipated. In that sense, there is no such thing as ready. I've seen it day after day after day. It doesn't matter how ready we may think we are, something is going to throw a wrench in what we've prepared for.

If we try to be ready in our minds, we will never achieve it. If we determine to be ready in our hearts, we are always ready. In the scriptures, understanding is always connected to the heart, not the mind. It's the most important thing I have learned so far. The Lord will make up the difference. He'll give us whatever we need, as long as we make sure that we are dedicating ourselves to the Lord's timeline, not ours. When we open our hearts, when we rely on the Lord and the people he gives us, we will always be ready. Nothing can come that we aren't prepared for. No trial can surface that we aren't capable of surmounting. In the strength of our Father in Heaven,we can do all things.

I understand now that I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. This is way more, way harder than I anticipated. But I am ready. My heart is humble, and I have faith in the Lord. And none of us need anything more than that.

Till next time,

Sister Pike